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Broadside: the interview

Photo courtesy Victory Records/Hannah Verbeuren

I had the opportunity to speak with Broadside, a pop punk band from Virginia, after their Dec. 11 performance at Backbooth in Orlando while on tour with Handguns, Sudden Suspension, Roam, and two local openers, Bad Year and The Year I Disappear. We talked about the meaning behind “Playing in Traffic”, lead singer Oliver Baxxter’s love of “Harry Potter”, what the point of fingerless gloves is and drummer Andrew Dunton’s coffee company, Grimcoast.

Listen to the interview as you read here.

Oliver Baxxter: Let’s start by introducing ourselves.

OB: I’m Oliver. [gestures to Niles Gibb, guitarist]

Niles Gibb: I’m Niles!

Steve: Uh, Steve.

OB [gesturing to Dorian Cooke, guitarist, who is sitting behind him]: This is Dorian.

Dorian Cooke: Dorian, my name’s Dorian.

OB: Wait, we skipped one.

Andrew Dunton: [to me] Who are you?

OB: The lady…?

Hali Neal: [looks around, confused]

AD: [gestures to me]: Milady?

OB: Milady.

HN: Oh. [laughs] no one ever asks me to introduce myself, I’m Hali.

OB: Hali? Okay.

HN: Hali with an H.

AD: Hali with an H. [Hello, Hali, I’m H-Andrew.

OB [over enunciating the “h”s]: Hello, Hali.

HN: Everyone thinks it’s Ali, it’s actually annoying, and almost funny to me now because I answer to other things since no one ever pronounces my name.

OB: That’s sad and I am sorry.

HN: It’s—I just get tired of correcting people, I really do.

AD: It’s okay. It’s understandable.

Steve/AD [gesturing to my cell phone, which I’m using to record the interview]: Is this thing on? Okay. Hello, [over enuciates the H] Hali, this is H-Andrew, and I play drums. Nice to meet you. [laughs]

HN: [laughs] Your name is Andrew, with an A.

AD: And that’s H-Kyle with an H. [gesturing to Gibbs] And H-Niles.

HN: [laughing] This is why I don’t correct people.

OB: My name is H-Oliver.

AD: You need to do it. You need to. How would we know your name?

[in the background, Dunton is saying “H-oliver” in a pronounced accent]

DC: It’s a funny story actually, ‘cause my name is Dorian with an “H”, but I just don’t pronounce it.

HN [deadpan]: Really? I see. That’s worse.

DC [jokingly]: We’re not getting anywhere in this interview, let’s go.

OB: Sorry.

HN: [laughing]

AD: Game face. We should put on our game face. Game on.

OB: Game face.

HN: It’s totally fine.

DC: Game on. Game face.

HN: I mean I correct people every once in a while, but sometimes I’m like [deep sigh] “really?”. For some reason, people remember Halle Berry. That’s a nickname someone gave me and they just call me that. And I’m just like “I… don’t object to this, okay.”

OB: I could see that.

AD: That’s good. I could see that.

HN: Anyways. So yeah.

[in the background: “hi.”]

DC [in a British accent]: Do you need a light? [It’s very dark in the van, so I’m trying to figure out the best way to read my questions].

HN: So why’d you chose playing in traffic as the metaphor for the song?

OB: ‘Cause I like the idea of a lot of people rushing by and it’s like a dangerous place and the idea is kinda like you’re surrounded by many different types of people at a fast pace and yet you’re trying to clutch onto one of them and sell out. Then it’s also the kind of idea of, just like, “fuck you” to the person I wrote it about.

HN: Wanna share who that person is?

OB: Yeah, they’re just a mental bully and they try to make people feel small with their social status and manipulate and they latch on and they like whisper things in your ear to make you think that you’re—to make you think that they’re something and they’re actually just a sociopath without real emotions and they drag you down. And you realize that you miss a lot of opportunities, so the traffic is the world moving by and they’re fucking stuck in place. And that’s kinda why I chose playing in traffic. If that makes sense.

HN: Tell me more about Damaged Kids Clothing.

OB: Um, let’s see. Damaged Kids Clothing is basically I wanted to make something that I couldn’t afford, you know?

HN: [laughs].

OB: I love dope shit and I can’t afford it, so I started a clothing brand and a lot of people took it as like a self-help thing, but the reality, it’s more of me being the damaged kid. I’m like the poster child of like, a fucked up situation but then I took my artistry and my creativity and I put it into progression and something that I wanted to do with little to no money at all. It just shows the power of people believing in you by taking cult images and putting it on t-shirts and stuff like that. But it’s also we give back to charity, so it’s good stuff.

HN: What charities, like what charities do you give back to?

OB: We’re working with like, and connecting to a lot of, like, bigger ones that wanna work with us. We’re looking for charities that we can physically hand money to as opposed to just hit a “donate” button. Unfortunately, it’s just a startup right now, so there’s no money in flow at all. All the money that comes in just pays for the shirts but eventually we like to do suicide—anti-suicide walks and that sort of thing. Just be involved but also to be like, it’s very okay to be into cool shit and also, like overcome your stimulus, if you want to call it that.

HN: Do you want to elaborate on what you mean by your fucked up past?

OB [hesitantly]: Y-yeah. I just got dealt some shitty cards. Just grew up poor and kinda shitty with shitty people that didn’t value themselves or a child so I wasn’t really raised in a creative realm that I feel I will raise my children in. My peers, and any fans of Broadside will allow and elaborate the idea of perseverance and that’s essentially what Damaged Kids is all about is overcoming any situation, you know?

HN: Wow. Yeah. I really like that.

OB: Thank you.

HN: You’re a self-proclaimed Harry---and now we’re gonna get off the heavy part now [laughs nervously], I just realized---

OB: Yeah.

HN: You’re a self-proclaimed Harry Potter super fan, so what is it about Harry Potter that you makes it so special to you?

OB: What I like about Harry Potter is that he kinda overcame---you know he was a burden, you know, and he was brought into the world and he was loved and then he was ripped away from it by someone who was jealous of that idea of pure love and then he was forced into a situation that he didn’t want to be in. And then he was cast into this world by luck/fate/chance/whatever you want and he made the best of it. And truly that’s what made him an outstanding and strong individual is that he knew what it was like to feel nothing. And so that kept him striving for better things and that’s what I truly value. Not to mention when the first book came out I was the right age, I grew up with Harry, and then when I graduated high school, the last book came out. So it just--that held a space to me but the story and J.K.’s Rowling’s ability to develop characters really kinda, um, entranced me I guess you would say in a sense that it’s nice to feel like, even though I hate my skin and my surroundings, it was nice to escape to Hogwarts with those books. So.

HN: Yeah. Definitely understand that.

OB: [mirthless laugh]

HN: And Andrew.

AD: Yes.

HN: So, I know you’re really into coffee. What’s your favorite type of coffee?

AD: Um…. [pauses] is my favorite type of coffee.

[the other guys laugh, with Cooke being the loudest. Someone says “shameless plug” jokingly]

HN: What is that?

AD: It’s actually a coffee company I started with this man right here [points to Kyle, who is sitting next to him].

HN: Oh my goodness. [laughs]

OB: [jokingly] What is this?

Kyle: [deadpan] It’s a website.

AD: We have coffee that’s---

HN: Do you have a website?

AD: Yeah, we do, it’s That’s what it is.

HN: Really? ‘Cause I didn’t see it on your Twitter or anything.


Steve [laughing]: Say it again. What was it?

AD: It’s a wood---

[Cooke is practically rolling on the floor laughing at this point].

HN: I’m guessing he talks about this endlessly?

DC [still laughing]: No!

OB: That’s enough.

AD: It’s coffee roasted on a oak wood fire flame. So most---uh, if you know coffee, it’s usually roasted on gas, but this is oak wood so it gives it a super nice smooth flavor. And if I’m not drinking coffee---

DC: [starts cracking up again]

AD: ---I would be drinking---usually on the road, I hit up Starbucks ‘cause they’re kinda the most pure. I like coffee black, I don’t like anything in it.

HN: How do you do that? Ugh.

DC: That’s the consensus.

OB: We like the bitterness of it.

AD: When we were in Portland, Oregon, we were fortunate enough to go to Stumptown, which is one of my favorites. I love Stumptown. So, yeah. Usually if we’re on the road, it’s Starbucks black coffee. If not, we like to visit all local shops and you know. And when in need, I go to to order.


OB: Yeah, me too. I’ve been there a few times.

DC: It’s funny because he never really plugs it and like, that was just like a spew of---

OB: That was good.

HN: It’s like if you were writing an SEO article and you have to mention something a certain amount of times.

DC: It was gorgeous.

AD: I love coffee.

Steve: You’re like a version of that banner ad that you see on the side of the road that wasn’t contained to the billboard, they kinda burst out of it.

HN: Oh God.

OB: Haha yeah, yeah yeah.

AD: Let’s be real, I love coffee. So if you like coffee, come talk to me ‘cause I do too.

DC: And to add to that, I also love it because they work really hard on their product—

AD: What do you love?

DC: Huh? I’m about to tell you right now.

AD: Oh, okay. Cool.

DC: These guys work really hard on their project and a lot of times they do packaging in the van, in transit.

HN: Oh wow, that’s dedication right there.

DC: My favorite part is smelling the beautiful beans and it just fills the van and---

HN: Oooh yes. Coffee smells so good.

OB: And it doesn’t smell like feet!

DC: It replaces the feet, and the smell [pauses]

HN: Sweat. And

Steve: Ass.

OB: And Ollie.

DC: for a while.

Kyle: Beautiful.

OB: Yeah. Right. Everybody’s like feet smell.

Steve: Subtle side of feet.

DC: Non-biasedly, it’s really good coffee.

OB: It’s good coffee.

HN: You said it’s on a wood oak, right? How is that different? How does it make it taste different I guess?

AD: Most coffee roasters roast with oak—er, gas---excuse me---and if you roast with oak, you need a very experienced, uh, coffee roaster because they understand the way it goes and how you have to roast and basically you have to roast evenly across the bean whereas the gas is just constantly circulating. It’s a whole process.

HN: So you get more flavor out of that or?

AD: You definitely do. It’s a whole different flavor, it’s delicious, it’s very smooth, kinda a little smoky.

Kyle: It kinda preserves the oils a little more too when it burns off.

OB: There’s a lot of science to coffee that I just don’t understand. Like people think you just get a bean and there’s gases and oils and temperatures.

HN: I’ve heard some people accuse, I think it’s actually Starbucks of burning their stuff too much.

AD: Yeah, oh yeah absolutely. But if you like to talk more, come find me. Or talk to us at

DC: Andrewdunton forward slash MySpace.

HN: Oh goodness. You said MySpace. That’s funny.


HN: Is Purevolume still around?

OB: I’m bringing it back.

HN: Niles? So I saw you’re really into Star Wars, are you excited for the new Star Wars movie or are you one of those that’s like “I hate Star Wars. Why did Disney buy it UGH!”

NG: I’m mad excited for the new movie. I know like a lot of people aren’t excited.

HN: It’s literally like never ending up here [in Orlando]. I’m sorry.

NG: Yeah, the prequels like, the prequels weren’t that great so I know a lot of people are skeptical about this one, but I know it’s the director who did the new Star Trek movies. And I’m not really a big fan of Star Trek, but those movies were killer though so.

OB: That’s kinda like breaking the rules, huh? Doing both?

HN: Yeah. It is. Totally.

NG: He kills it though man.

OB: You know what I don’t like about the new Star Wars movie? That I didn’t get to buy any Star Wars creamer. Any Star Wars syrup.

HN: You know what? They had some in Orlando.

OB: Or bubblegum or like, they are fully marketing, which you kinda expect but it’s just bizarre.

NG: What I’m really upset about is that I have a copy of Star Wars: Battlefront in my backpack that I’ve had since we were in California and I haven’t been able to play at all. So it’s been complete torture this whole time.

HN: ‘Cause you’ve been on tour or what?

OB: Yeah, ‘cause we’ve been on tour.

HN: [to Gibb] Yeah, I can imagine.

NG: But I’m pretty excited to see the movie, I think we’re going to be on tour when it comes out so if we have time, I’m definitely gonna go try to see it. If not, it’s the first thing I’m gonna do when I get home.

HN: Like websites crashed in Orlando. Orlando, since Star Wars is owned by Disney now, you can’t go anywhere… it’s just insanity.

OB: Yeah, I can imagine.

HN: Yeah, you can’t go anywhere without seeing it and everyone’s going crazy and the websites crashed where they were selling tickets. They actually had coffee creamer, they had a good one.

HN: Any funny tour stories that you have? Tour memories that you care to share?

OB: Let me think if I can think of any that are PG.

Steve: Probably a lot.

OB: [in a funny voice] Let me think here.

HN: I mean, even if they’re not PG, you can totally mention them. [laughs]

OB: Oh, well, we uh. Oh, Elliot! [tour photographer, who’s just opened the van door].

Steve: That is creepy as hell.

HN: [laughs]

Elliot Ingham: What’s up guys? Mind me comin’ in?

OB: Wanna come in? Wanna do an interview with us?

DC: What song are they [tour mates, U.K. pop punk band Roam] on?

OB: Come in.

EI [photographer for Roam that night]: I don’t know, I guess I am not shooting tonight.

OB: Oh? Why not?

EI: I gave James [unintelligible].

OB: No, shut up.

EI: Are you guys busy in here?

All: We’re doing an interview.

HN: As long as you don’t mind being recorded.

OB: I’m trying to think of funny tour stories. Hmmm.

HN: I mean you’re photographing so…

EI: You got some funny ones from this tour. The other day in frickin’ Tampa. Outside the venue, everyone was really tired and it was really late and everyone was doing that really weird rap battle thing.

Kyle: Oh yeah!


HN: Yes, [laughs] please tell me about that.

Kyle: We killed it.

OB: We were all really weird and tired and we did a really cool, really weird rap battle thing. However, Costello. Alex. Alex Costello, singer of, uh, Roam, is always like that and is always just kinda out there, so he has this delivery of a champion but the content’s a little watered down.

[laughter in the background]

OB: For instance, he’ll be like [imitates Costello’s voice] “yo, I’m Cos-tell-OH!”

DC: “I’m mell-OH. Mellow.”


OB: And then, you wait and he goes, ‘you don’t even know!’ and then he’s like ‘ohhh!’ and he chants himself up and it’s charming. But he tricks you into clapping, so you’re like [claps].

HN: Jedi mind trick.

OB: So that was cool. Another cool story. Let’s see um.

DC: Cool or funny?

OB: Yeah, cool or funny, which one do you want?

HN: Whatever (smiles).

OB: Cool? Cool is the reception so far. We go to Portland, we’ve never been there and people know our lyrics.

DC: Seattle was sick.

OB: Seattle was fantastic. Las Vegas blew us away. There were like three girls and 97 guys. No no, there was 97 girls and three dudes in there.

HN: [laughs]

OB: It was fantastic.

HN: I bet.

OB: They were tough. And they were whooping our ass. They were cool. Another cool thing was we released a music video on the road, which we’ve never done. And I’ve always wanted to be that band that’s like “yo, we’re on tour right now and we just released a music video” ‘cause I was like, how the fuck do they do that? How do they do all that stuff? And now that we’re that, I realize there is no secret trick, you just do it. [chuckles]. So it’s cool and it’s awesome. The reception from that’s been really cool too. And to be able to just be like ‘there’s a music video for that song and it’s on the Internet and I just played that song’.

DC: [mumbles] Super ninja.

AD: The

HN: [laughs] I wonder if that’s an actual website. That would be entertaining.

OB [deadpan]: I’m gonna buy that right now.

HN: I’m gonna look that up right now.

OB: Any cool stories for you? You getting anything cool for Christmas?

HN: Not really. [laughs]. It’s that broke college student life where I kinda ask my parents help me pay my bills. [laughs sheepishly].

OB: That’s nice.

Steve: That’s a really good Christmas gift.

NG: Good gift, I might have to do the same.

HN: I kinda just asked them ‘cause it’s really embarrassing. I have two jobs yet my jobs don’t like to schedule me ‘cause they’re slow apparently. Like the business is slow, and it’s… yeah.

OB: Bastards.

HN: Yeah, I have to call them tomorrow and be like ‘I don’t know what’s going on here’.

OB: Aww. [whispers] Bastards.

HN: I’m kinda like a little worried. I have savings I’m going off of right now so I’m just like…. Yeah. I always ask for practical stuff for Christmas anyway but yeah ---

[in background: “like waffles”].

HN: But yeah that was pretty much the one thing I really would need.

[Note: since this interview, I’m now happily employed at Dunkin’ Donuts.]

OB: Do you read?

HN: I do, yeah. I was actually really into Harry Potter too so.

OB: Oh nice!

HN: That was like one of my favorite book series. My mom would read it to me when I was younger, like when I was like [pauses] still pretty young, so my mom would read it to me and my brother.

OB: Awww.

HN: Like, we weren’t little kids, but we would all sit together and read it as a family.

EI: What house are you in?

OB: Yeah, that’s cute. What house are you in?

NG: [imitates Dumbledore’s voice from the movies] Clearly Humbledore.

EI: [laughter, “Humbledore?”]

HN: [horrified] Have you even read the books?

OB: [deadpan] It’s a collab between Hufflepuff and Dumbledore.

[all talking at once, “Clearly, Smeagol’s side” and “it’s lit, fam” can be heard].

HN: [deadpan] Smeagol from Lord of the Rings, yes, is in there apparently, yes.

DC: [laughs]

OB: Nah, it’s Slytherin.

HN: Wait, were there rings in that [“Harry Potter”]? I’m trying to remember. That would be really funny if there were rings in Harry Potter, so he could be like “my precious!”

Kyle: What about the…?

HN: The things they would beat the Quidditch ball through?

Steve: Oh, pumpernickels.

NG: Bludgers?

HN: [laughs] I don’t know what they were called, I don’t remember.

OB: Nah, those were just point, point rings.

HN: Oh, I did the Pottermore thing and it was Hufflepuff. Yeah. So that was pretty cool.

All: Ohhh.

HN: What about you guys?

AD: Pottermore gave me Headmaster so. What was the?

HN: [to Oliver] which one were you?

[All talking over each other saying things like “Neville Longbottom, mudblood, and muggle”.]

HN: Hey, he saves the day at the end of the series, so.

OB: Who?

Steve and Kyle: Neville.

HN: Yeah, I mean ‘cause Harry dies.

EN: He seems like a goon, but he’s hot.

HN: Totally.

OB: And Daniel Radcliffe’s all artsy now.

[general agreement]

OB: He’s like Shia LeBeouf.

HN: [fake horrified] No! No one is as bad as Shia LeBeouf, okay? I don’t know what his deal is.

OB: I bet Shia LeBeouf would be mad cool to talk to.

HN: I feel like he’s doing one long, extended performance art piece. Like. I don’t know. I’m enjoying this though.

OB: Lucky bastard.

EI: For real. Transformers.

OB: They’re like “I don’t get it.” And they’re like, “you care about clothes, why?! Vans are the shit”.

HN: Oh, don’t say that in front of my friend. My friend works at Nike [laughs].

OB: Oh that’s right, I remember your friend from last night.

AD: [unintelligible].

HN: I’ll probably hear it when I play this back [laughs].

AD: Oh okay. [Note: he said “Andrew Dunton said that Nike’s are the shit.”]

EI: Does anyone care about Motocross in here?

OB/HN: No.

HN: Is that the thing with the bikes? When they do tricks?

EI: There’s two big Motocross guys in there right now.

OB: Twitch. We should just go in there and make noises, see if they react to us.

HN: [laughs].

OB: You know, the other day I was [makes “vroom vroom” sound]

AD: Brep brepping! Is it anybody famous or no?

EI: There’s two really famous motocross riders in there.

OB: Twitch. Is it Twitch?

EI: And I was in there and --- no, it’s a guy called Andy. Andy something.

[in the background, you hear someone say “Biersack” in an odd accent].

HN: The guy from Black Veil Brides? What? [laughs].

EI: There’s an actual secret famous motocross rider and he’s here tonight.

HN: Totally.

EI: Are they still going with the whole face paint/makeup getup thing on?

DC: The American Idol?

HN: They haven’t done the makeup thing in years. Like, I’ve seen them twice and they’ve had it neither of the times.

EI: That was a great gimmick to get their foot in the door, but. I mean Andy Biersack is HOT. He’s got great eyes.

HN: I agree. Juliet Simms [Biersack’s girlfriend] is lucky.

EI: Great face too. I think his gloves need to have fingers on them. I don’t like fingerless gloves.

HN: What is the point of fingerless gloves? That like defeats the purpose of a glove.

OB: Just so you guys know, when we go on tour, there’s singing.

[Suddenly there is random singing in the background]

OB: I’m gonna get some.

[Someone says “what the hell?”]

HN: So is motocross the thing where you do tricks with the bikes?

EI: Yeah, there’s, like, there’s motocross and there’s another one that’s called something else.

HN: BMX, or something? Is that what it is? I don’t know.

OB: I think that’s what it is. Baja.

HN: My brother was into all that extreme sports stuff so…

EI: Speaking of Baja, is there a Taco Bell around?

HN: Not that I know of.

OB: There’s a Pita Pit, which is the next best thing.

HN: Pita Pit is awesome. Yes. Yes. I discovered that when I moved up here, it’s freakin’ awesome.

Steve: Pita Pit number two today?

EI: Oh, you already had it?

OB: Oh, did you have any other questions for Dorian?

[At this point, Cooke has to leave soon ‘cause he wants to catch some of Roam’s set].

DC: 19 minutes, whoo.

HN: Yeah, I had an interview that was over an hour long once. That was fun. They were rehearsing and we were just hanging out and chillin’ so.

OB: That’s awesome.

HN: Yeah. Love doing that.

EI: Yeah, when I came out, they were on their second song so.

HN: I have one question specifically for you, Dorian.

DC: Oh yeah, that’s cool.

HN: So why is your nickname Mumbles Enrique?

OB: Ooooh he’s literally been waiting for someone to ask him this question. He’s literally been waiting to be asked this question.

HN: [laughs] Seriously?

DC: Well, the first part. Enrique is my middle name.

HN: Okay. So, where are you from if your name is Dorian Enrique?

[there is a sound like a mariachi band in the background].

DC: Well I was born in Western Virginia, but my mom is from El Salvador. My dad is [affects country accent] American. A country man.

HN: Yeah, both my parents are too. Country people.

DC: Okay, so. I have this thing where I don’t project the way I talk very well.

HN: Mmm-hmm.

DC: I have a tendency to trail off when I’m in the middle of talking about something.

HN: [laughs].

DC: Like, in my head, I’ll feel like I’m talking clear as a bell, but then I’ll hear the recording and I’ll hear myself and I’m like [mumbles “I sound clear as a bell”].

AD: [excitedly] Can I give you an example?

HN: Okay.

AD: So Dorian’ll be like “Yo guys, we got this thing coming up later and [mumbles]


OB: Yes. That’s exactly how it happens.

DC: What happens is I get too stoked on the thing, and I start it, and I’m just like. Like, I’m winging it. Just through the sentence, I’m like, I know exactly what I’m sayin’ and before I get to the end, I don’t process it. I don’t process the end of the sentence so then I just float just into this ether of “I don’t know what the fuck” I got to say.

HN: [laughs]

AD: [chuckles]. “Ether”.

DC: But that’s real, I’m just like, I’m-

HN: You’re just kinda like stumbling over words, like “wait, wait”.

DC: I’m like chasing the end of the sentence, expecting to find it and I never find it. Then just like…

AD: …trails off.

DC: See, like, just now then, just now. What I just did.

OB: See, I stopped listening to him.

Kyle: That’s what I’m sayin’.

Steve: Is he mumbling again?

OB: Fuckin’… and I hear a small, midget voice.

DC: And that’s how I got my nickname.

HN: [to Baxxter, jokingly] Midget? You’re one to talk about midgets [Baxxter is not a tall man].

DC: So yeah, that’s that.

HN: Yeah. How did the Feed the Beat partnership come about?

OB: Andrew, take it away.

[someone says “swagmaster”].

AD: We got hit up by a few friends of ours---

NG: Take it away!

AD: Like, “this is gonna happen in a few days, you guys wanna enter?” And I was like, “oh yeah, absolutely. It’s worth a shot. Let’s just throw it out there.” So I typed in all the information they needed and the last question was like, something like, “why Taco Bell?” or something and I was like “well, we tour all the time” and the last sentence was “Del Taco sucks.”

HN: Del Taco does not suck! I have a bone to pick with you. I love that place.

AD: Well, tomayto, tomahto.

HN: They have things that are under a dollar!

AD: They do have cheap stuff. [quietly]. But. Don’t, no, don’t get me wrong, I like Del Taco too, but you know---

HN: That was like a miracle when I discovered that up here!

AD: ---they had to throw that little spicy thing in there.

HN: Oh you don’t like spicy food?

AD/OB: I love spicy food!

AD: Ollie and myself are the two… oh my God.

OB: If I could date a jalapeno…

HN: [laughs].

Steve: I like mild spicy, not “I’m going to cry” spicy.

HN: Have you tried the ghost pepper? Supposed to be the hottest pepper ever.

OB: I have tried it. I threw up the whole day.

HN: [sharp inhale of breath] Oh dear.

AD: You know when you go to Firehouse Subs, they have all the hot sauces like, labeled or numbered?

OB: Let’s just say we dabble.

AD: We dabble. And I threw up as soon as I had a little hint of that.

HN: Oooh. [intake of breath]. Yeah.

AD: Yeah. But hot sauce is awesome.

HN: So no on the ghost pepper.

OB: I’ll make out with a dragon.

HN: [jokingly] How do you make out with a dragon?

OB/AD: But anyways.

OB: Sorry.

AD: That’s how that happened.

HN: And how does one apply for Feed the Beat?

AD: You go to and they have a bunch of entry, uh, questions that you have to fill out and then they choose from a bunch of bands and we’re fortunate enough that they chose us.

HN: I mean I know a little bit about the program, but if you wanna explain for those who’ll read this?

AD: A bunch of bands submit and they go through and choose from I don’t know how many, but a decent amount that are touring and they hook you up with some Taco Bell gift cards to feed you while you’re on tour. They also promote and feature your music or videos or anything that’s coming out and they’re super nice. Great people that run that. Yeah, they help bands that are constantly touring. It’s amazing, ‘cause I would be screwed without ‘em, honestly.

HN: I hear that’s, like the struggle: showering and food on tour. That’s like, one of the few things I always hear.

AD: Oh yeah, without Feed the Beat I would be done, honestly.

HN: Yeah?

AD: Yeah. So it’s all good.

HN: [pauses] [chuckles] How can you not like Del Taco?

AD: Oh, I do. Don’t get me wrong.


HN: I hate Taco Bell. I think my government teacher ruined it for me when I was like in high school.

AD: Del Taco’s got some sweet fish tacos though.

HN: I haven’t tried those.

AD: You should, they’re good.

HN: I actually used to really like Taco Bell’s food, but I swear my government teacher just ruined it ‘cause he would call it Taco Bellyache all the time.

AD: Oh, I’m scared of the meat at Taco Bell.

HN: He [the government teacher] would always talk about it and I stopped eating fast food for the most part so I just never wanted to eat it again. So bad.

AD: They have these spicy potato tacos that are just potatoes and delicious tacos, so there’s no meat, you don’t have to worry about meat.

HN: Their bean burritos are good, I have to tell you.

AD: That’s my go to. Yes.

HN: So you guys have an acoustic tour coming up?

OB: Yes, Dorian and I are gonna be touring with 7 Minutes in Heaven acoustically in January. It’s going to be pretty cool. We like to take our songs and make them slower and sexier [drops his voice at “sexier”]. We look into people’s eyes when we sing.

HN: Just pick that one person in the audience and be like “yeah. That’s right”. [laughs]

OB: “Yeah, you know girl.”

[in the background, you hear someone say “uh-oh”].

OB: And they’re usually 47.

HN: [laughs].

OB: Kinda like, yeah you definitely know. [starts singing in a very high-pitched voice: “nooo, yeah, yeah yeah] And we can dress nice, ‘cause we don’t have to move around on stage. I only move around on stage so much ‘cause I have anxiety and I get nervous and I—

HN: Aww.

OB: ---feel like people are looking at my pants and how my butt’s big. I have to move around so they don’t stare at it. [sarcastically] Thank my mom for that one.

AD: He’s got a great butt.

Steve: It is pretty great.

OB: Thank you guys, see, but I don’t want people to think that.

HN: Why not?

OB: Well, they can, but I don’t want ‘em to look at it.

AD: What is the word? Badonkadonk?

OB: I believe it’s “joonky”.

AD: “Choonky”.

OB: “Joonked” up.

HN: Badonkadonk. There’s another one.

AD: Oliver’s got a sweet “joonky”.

HN: You just got me thinking of something. There’s a country song called “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”. It’s hilarious.

AD: It’s actually written after Oliver’s “choonky”.

OB: [jokingly] Get out!


AD: The chronicle you don’t know is that was for Oliver’s “choonky”. One would say---

OB: [with no conviction] Get out.

HN: It’s about a woman! [through laughter] So are you calling him a woman, I’m pretty sure that song’s about a woman.

AD: [deadpan] No, that’s Oliver.

OB: [deadpan] I am a woman.

HN: Really?

AD: He’s my stud.

HN: ‘Cause you look like a man to me.

OB: I am a stud.

HN: [laughing] Okay.


HN: What was I saying? I forgot. Oh yeah.

OB: All right!

HN: Any more details you want to add or…?

AD: Thank you so much for everything.

HN: Actually, one more question.

AD: Oh yeah!

HN: One song on each of your iPods or phones that people would be surprised that you have.

AD/OB: Ooh, that’s a good question.

OB: Probably the best. That people would be surprised that I have?

HN: Or guilty pleasure.

OB: I’ll look right now. This is gonna be funny. Here it is right here. [“Birdwalk” by Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em starts playing]. “Birdwalk” by Soulja Boy.

HN: I didn’t even know he was still around.

OB: Wait for the hook. So yeah. [as the song gets to the chorus] “Birdwalk” by Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em.

HN: Is that your hype song right there?

OB: It is. I literally have it on my playlist called “Swag Shit”.

AD: I would have to go with Wham, “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”.

OB: That’s his jam.

AD: That’s honestly my go to.

OB: That was at his wedding.

AD: We jammed it on the way in and it was at my wedding and uh, when all else fails, if you’re in a bad mood, you just have to listen to that.

OB: You can’t be bummed listening to that song. I try every day.

AD: I love the Beach Boys, but yeah.

HN: I don’t know, “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” just automatically makes me think of “Zoolander”.

AD: That’s perfect. That’s all you need.

HN: That’s even better.

AD: [in a funny voice] Orange Mocha Frappucinos! That’s all you need.

[Cooke and I laugh].

HN: You know they’re coming out with a second one soon.

OB: I did not.

AD: Niles?

NG: I don’t know, I was actually just looking to see. It would probably honestly be [sic] Eli Goulding.

HN: Ellie Goulding?

NG: Ellie Goulding, yeah, whatever. Whatever the fuck her name is.

[laughter in the background]

HN: [jokingly] Can’t even pronounce her name?

NG: I like the whole album, honestly, it’s not even just like one song.

HN: [laughing] Just made her sound like a guy.

Steve: That’s her brother.

HN: Yeah. Also a singer.

NG: [smiles] I’m tired.

[in a gravelly voice, someone says “all starry eyed!”]

OB: I’m gonna answer for Dorian. Creed.

Kyle: All Time Low.

HN: [laughs].

OB: Oh no, it’s [starts singing Gloria Estefan’s “Conga”].

HN: Oh my God! That song!

OB: Mr. 305 Worldwide! Dale! [starts singing Pitbull’s “I Know You Want Me”] Mr. 305 Worldwide! That’s Dorian’s.

HN: No, not Pitbull. Oh God. I told you guys I’m originally from Miami? And like…

OB: That’s all you heard? Him and DJ Khaled.

HN: I hate DJ Khaled. You don’t even know.

OB: We! Number one music! All right. Any other questions? I don’t want to rush you.

HN: Nope, that’s it.

OB: [in a funny voice] Thank you for your time. Oh wait, you’re not recording. This is gonna sound funny.

HN: Yeah, I’m still recording.

OB: [in a different funny voice] Thank you for your time.

HN: [to Baxxter, jokingly] I’m just gonna sound like this now.

OB: This is Oliver, signing out. Farewell.

AD: Hey, we still recording?

OB: [in another funny voice] This is Oliver, farewell. Signing out.

AD: [affecting the same voice as Baxxter] This is Andrew Dunton, signing out as well.

OB and AD: [using the same funny voice] This is both Andrew Dunton and Oliver Smaxter Smierman signing out.

AD [rapping]: Yo, it’s Oli B and Andy D up in the casa de casa casa.

OB: Up in the cazza cazza cazza.

AD: Casa de casa casa.

OB: You ain’t gotta get out, but you gotta get the fuck outta here. This is where the magic happens.

AD: Signing out, yo.

OB: MTV Cribs.

HN: [amused] Oh my God.

OB: Thank you for happening. Casa de casa casa.

AD: That’s casa casa.

HN: [amused] Oh, Christ.

OB: One love. Tupac. You know what I’m saying. Forever. Soulja Boy, watch me and my birdwalk.

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